Husband And Wife Relationship

The religion of Islam came with the law and granted to the man and woman each his just right. The woman does not suffer injustice. Islam made the woman be pure. The husband-wife relationship is one of love and mercy, and from that love originates a miracle of life. The relationship between a husband and wife is not like that of neighbours or friends; it is much more extreme—on the verge of unity. The Quran expresses this nicely. Allah says:

 

وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَ‌حْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُ‌ونَ

 

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them, and He placed between you affection and mercy.  Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Surah Ar-Rum 30:21)

 

Love, Mercy, and Tranquillity

Allah has indeed created man and woman to be the natural counterparts of the other.  They are natural companions both physically and mentally. These indeed are signs for us. Allah says:

 

وَآتُوا النِّسَاءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً فَإِن طِبْنَ لَكُمْ عَن شَيْءٍ مِّنْهُ نَفْسًا فَكُلُوهُ هَنِيئًا مَّرِيئًا

 

“And give the women their dower graciously. But if they remit to you anything of it (on there) own, then eat it (in) satisfaction (and) ease.” (Surah An-Nisa` 4:4)

 

In this way, the Qur’an beautifully illustrates the husband-wife relationship. Marriage must be a bond of mutual respect and love. The husband and wife must journey through the difficulties of this life together so that they may reach the ultimate destination of Jannah together. Whether wife, mother or sister, Islam granted the woman an important role in the service of society for the education of future generations in accordance with the guidance of the act. Allah says:

 

وَأَنكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ

 

“And marry the single among you and the righteous among your male slaves and your female slaves. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty. And Allah (is) All-Encompassing, All-Knowing.” (Surah An-Nur 24:32)

 

The couple’s relationship between man and woman must be based on love and mercy for each spouse to find comfort with each other. Islam has made obligatory, although guided by its principles, women’s rights to her husband. If people were working according to these principles, there would be bliss and happiness and love between the spouses last. Allah ordered the man to act with charity toward his wife.

 

Following are the important factors that can strengthen a marriage relationship in Islam:

  1. Marriage is a mode forgive and forget the shortcomings
  2. Marriage makes an incomplete human being a complete
  3. Marriage is a source to experience love and happiness
  4. Marriage is accompanied by mutual love and affection
  5. Marriage complete the circle of caring, and sharing
  6. Marriage guarantees physical and spiritual chastity
  7. Marriage provides tranquillity, peace, and security
  8. Marriage is one of the most liked Sunnah in Islam
  9. Marriage is a sacred bond between two persons
  10. Marriage is one of the commandments of Allah
  11. Marriage is a fulfil and productive relationship
  12. Marriage is protection against a sinful life
  13. Marriage is one of the classes of Allah
  14. Marriage cherishing every moment
  15. Marriage away from the act of adultery
  16. Marriage treating the wife with respect
  17. Marriage being thankful for little things
  18. Marriage a good woman for a good man
  19. Marriage is necessary for making a family
  20. Marriage is to attain tranquillity and peace
  21. Marriage means to have a positive attitude
  22. Marriage Ignoring the flaws of your spouse
  23. Marriage finding tranquillity from the spouse
  24. Marriage caring about feelings of the spouse
  25. Marriage know each other and help each other
  26. Marriage is a balanced way of looking at things
  27. Marriage loving the spouse for the sake of Allah
  28. Marriage is a way to accept each other completely
  29. Marriage means you are obeying the Prophet (SAW)
  30. Marriage process helping and supporting each other
  31. Marriage for giving factors between husband and wife
  32. Marriage increases sustenance, love, respect and caring
  33. Marriage showing affection and mercy towards the spouse

It is the blessing of Allah Almighty to a man that he gave him a woman as a companion in their life and mother of his children. Thus, the wife is neither a slave nor one that suffers the injustice of the husband. There is no oppression or domination between man and wife, but rather love, understanding, and mutual respect. The Holy Prophet PBUH stated that in the lower world, there are goods and among the best property there is the virtuous woman. Allah says:

 

وَالْقَوَاعِدُ مِنَ النِّسَاءِ اللَّاتِي لَا يَرْجُونَ نِكَاحًا فَلَيْسَ عَلَيْهِنَّ جُنَاحٌ أَن يَضَعْنَ ثِيَابَهُنَّ غَيْرَ مُتَبَرِّجَاتٍ بِزِينَةٍ وَأَن يَسْتَعْفِفْنَ خَيْرٌ لَّهُنَّ وَاللَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ

 

“And postmenopausal among the women who (do) not have a desire (for) marriage, then not is on them any blame that they put aside their (outer) garments, not displaying their adornment. And that they modestly refrain (is) better for them. And Allah (is) All-Hearer, All-Knower.” (Surah An-Nur 24:60)

 

There are many tips value and rules for a good marriage that would lead to a smooth relationship between husband and wife and by which the husband will win the love of his wife and her attention. Of all other things, a man should honour his wife. Allah says:

 

وَلَا تَنكِحُوا مَا نَكَحَ آبَاؤُكُم مِّنَ النِّسَاءِ إِلَّا مَا قَدْ سَلَفَ إِنَّهُ كَانَ فَاحِشَةً وَمَقْتًا وَسَاءَ سَبِيلًا

 

“And (do) not marry who married your fathers of the women except what has passed before, indeed it was an immorality and hateful, and (an) evil way.” (Surah An-Nisa` 4:22)

 

She is indeed the mother of his children, the custodian of his secret. It is required that a man respects his wife, loves her,  takes care of her and be gentle and merciful to her. He should not let his ego come in between their relationship or act in a tyrannical way that would hurt her. Allah says:

 

وَهُوَ الَّذِي خَلَقَ مِنَ الْمَاءِ بَشَرًا فَجَعَلَهُ نَسَبًا وَصِهْرًا وَكَانَ رَبُّكَ قَدِيرًا

 

‘’And He (is) the One Who has created from the water human being and has made (for) him blood relationship and marriage relationship. And is your Lord All-Powerful.’’ (Surah Al-Furqan 25:54)

 

Tolerance, Patience, and Forgiveness

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِنَّ مِنْ أَزْوَاجِكُمْ وَأَوْلَادِكُمْ عَدُوًّا لَّكُمْ فَاحْذَرُوهُمْ وَإِن تَعْفُوا وَتَصْفَحُوا وَتَغْفِرُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

 

“O you who believe! Indeed, from your spouses and your children (are) enemies to you, so beware of them. But if you pardon and overlook and forgive, then indeed, Allah (is) Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Surah At-Taghabun 64:14)

 

The nature of the relationship from the outset is that it should be one conducive to the fulfilment of companionship, affection/love, tranquillity, and mercy.  Furthermore, it is these elements that should be the context of marital interactions. Allah says:

 

أُحِلَّ لَكُمْ لَيْلَةَ الصِّيَامِ الرَّ‌فَثُ إِلَىٰ نِسَائِكُمْ ۚ هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ

 

“On the night of the fast, it is lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives.  They are clothing/covering (libaas) for you and you for them….” (Quran 2:187)

 

Whoever wants to be modelled as the Messenger, he should be gentle and kind to his wife. The eminent Prophet Muhammad PBUH recommended a good life together with your wife, to endure what she could do to ignore certain failures that could come from it. Allah says:

 

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا إِذَا نَكَحْتُمُ الْمُؤْمِنَاتِ ثُمَّ طَلَّقْتُمُوهُنَّ مِن قَبْلِ أَن تَمَسُّوهُنَّ فَمَا لَكُمْ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِنْ عِدَّةٍ تَعْتَدُّونَهَا فَمَتِّعُوهُنَّ وَسَرِّحُوهُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلًا

 

“O you who believe! When you marry believing women and then, divorce them before [that] you have touched then not for you on them any waiting period (to) count concerning them. To provide for them and release them (with) a release good.” (Surah Al-Ahzab 33:49)

 

The Messenger of Allah was the living example of a perfect husband. So it is strongly suggested to follow the path of wisdom, tenderness, and mercy with your woman. Do not load your wife things she can’t stand, be at his side during difficulties and you will gain her love and respect. Allah says:

 

وَالَّذِينَ يَقُولُونَ رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا

 

And those who say, “Our Lord! Grant to us from our spouses and our offspring comfort (to) our eyes, and make us for the righteous a leader.” (Surah Al-Furqan 25:74)

 

Islam lays great emphasis on love and kindness between the family members. Allah (SWT) has placed love and mercy between the spouses. The good spousal relationship is essential for the development of healthy, dynamic children who will be emotionally equipped to raise a loving family of their own and contribute to the welfare of the society according to their abilities.

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